I Am Like Other Women. They’re Great Actually!
The Illusion of Toxic Individuality and Its Ironic Injustice To Nuance.
The life of a little girl is nothing without an explosive Feminist phase from ages 13-16. It’s a funny time when the world is being unearthed before your eyes and you realise nothing is what it was presented as when you were a child. So, as a result, you lash out in any way you can. For many girls, lashing can look like running away from home, engaging in promiscuous adventures, illegal activity or - my favourite by far - reading up on any feminist wave and idea that passes your ears and using this information to point out every single tiny, seemingly insignificant, form of misogyny you come across. Yes, I was a very annoying pre-teen. Of course this way of going about feminism has passed me by with growing up and learning about a little thing called subtlety, but I would argue that one needs to be almost overly feminist in order to settle into reasonable feminist ideas. A cow has to be slaughtered to get your steak, no?
As a teen I had no interest in the opinions of any men or boys even if reasonable and fair, but I’ve levelled and find myself at my most inquisitive at this age. I genuinely want to know what men have to say - to an extent. If explicitly anti-woman, I tend to disassociate. You could say I’m definitely being grass fed, not yet ready to be a steak but definitely being fattened up to be my juiciest (has this meat analogy weirded you out yet?) With open ears came the open mouths of men willing to tell me anything and everything about themselves which usually (as humans tend to divert to) became conversations about why they weren’t in relationships. On one specific occasion, their answers focused the blame on the women their age, but I was reassured that I was “different.” I wouldn’t do any of the women’s actions they mentioned. I, a woman they have known for years, would never ever dare share the same opinions as these women. Because I am different!
I’d like to start plainly by saying no, I absolutely am not, though I didn’t say this in the moment. I actually said nothing and kept listening since their continuous talking implied they didn’t really want to know my thoughts on this, but I digress. When consuming media and living on earth from the year 2001 - Present, it’s been made clear to me that how people see women is very one note - or two-note with more context. There is an idea that women can only be two things; a devil who does despicable things and happens to be amazing at sex, or whatever that means to each person; or an angel who has never hurt a soul in her life and volunteers at shelters in her spare time - usually described as “wifey material.” Of course these two types can vary person-to-person. If your ideal woman is a gamer then that’ll be your angel.
These ideas closely resemble narrative archetypes, which is something I even find myself resorting to, whether it be to portray an archetype someone else wants from me - even if for two hours - or whether it be putting someone I just met in a category until I know them better. This view of women in particular seems very specific and more common. Recently, I’ve learned about how people tend to view blondes versus brunettes and it is a great example of this idea. A woman can only be an angel or a devil in whatever narrative is created from media you’ve consumed, your societal standings, household influences and much more. It does such a disservice to women and the nuance that our personalities have. I’ve noticed that this usually comes with the crucifixion of a woman if her actions don’t align with their assumptions or are simply bad. I mean, the oh so iconic Eve could not display curiosity without permanent crucifixion by society. Since I see her depiction as one tainted by the various narratives pushed by Catholic and Christian men over the course of thousands of years, I never really found it in me to hate her but instead saw her story as a way to really ask why she was to be blamed for all the pain and sorrows of women and not the harsh punishments of God. While I know not all people believe in the writings of the Bible, the hate of Eve is very reflective of how hard we are on women in real life.
This may come off as a bad take, but I truly believe women should be able to make the wrong decisions, and maybe even be bad people as long as their counterparts are allowed to do the same. If a serial killer can be fan-girled over by people, then so should a female killer. Of course I’d prefer that they all receive a permanent community shunning, but since it seems people will always be drawn to those who do wrong, then all I can ask for is equality even if absurd. As for me, being thought of as not like the other women I meet and that surround me gives me an icky feeling. It’s restricting to say the least, and while I’m definitely not a killer or Eve, I know that an expectation of perfection from me will only breed the downfall of our relationship because I will always end up disappointing them.
